I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
