She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We were destined to go to rehab together
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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