There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
