This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I CAN MOONWALK!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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