Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
