just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
