Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
