I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
