From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
