Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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