i think my tv is drunk
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize