I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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