Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
