Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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