Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
