it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
