guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I am one with the molecules
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
