I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
