May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Are we still banned from the library?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
