Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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