woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
