the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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