her facebook's as public as her vagina
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize