he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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