People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
