those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize