He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize