Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I FOUND THE LEGS
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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