Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize