next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
