i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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