MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Acid is not a monday night drug
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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