she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize