I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
