He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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