If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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