i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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