how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
