why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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