i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize