it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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