my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
