I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I checked into jail on foursquare
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
