do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
