She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
