I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
