I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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