can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There r osticjed everywhere
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
