I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so that wasnt chicken after all
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
