God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
