I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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