I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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