Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
