just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
