You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
