We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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