Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
