Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize