Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
