i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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