I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
