Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
