I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
