Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
