how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
