so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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