just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
