When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
