She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize