how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
