God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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