And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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