He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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