So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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