Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize