And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize