Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
