This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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