He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
