New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
