I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
